Relationships and being single

1.

In my last post I mentioned the woman who went insane when she realised her opportunity to meet someone, marry and have children had passed her by. Well, some marriages and relationships are clearly worse than being single, but people (generally women) can find it hard to leave these toxic relationships, either through fear of various sorts, including of their husband's or partner's jealousy, possessiveness or anger, for economic reasons, or just fear of being alone.

But still it can be better to experience something difficult than miss out altogether. At least you know what you're missing if it turns ugly. And you will be happy to be free of it.

I have a relative who was once married and had two children who has sworn off all future relationships. She was doubtful of the guy before they married. I met them both together twice and by the second time the radical difference in their beliefs, values and desired lifestyle were obvious.

I met her after the divorce, which had turned ugly due to child custody battles and accusations of her being an unfit mother. She had to fight and they got a child each. The man got the angry child and she got the more placid, civilised one. She was very glad to be free of the relationship. She was working and was lucky enough to be able to afford a house in an expensive city due to the divorce settlement and a very generous relative who helped immensely.

2.

I really wonder how some people end up together. People who are clearly unsuited to one another. People with radically different core values. Did they stupidly have sex resulting in a pregnancy, when they barely knew one another? Maybe. It happens. That's still no reason to stay together. An unhappy marriage is damaging to the children, more so than a split that is necessary. And if the split is done early it gives each person the chance to meet another partner they are more suited to.

These days women tend to be more economically independent, but the cost of living keeps rising and unless you have a well paid job living alone can be difficult, even impossible. So this keeps some couples together who would rather live apart.

That's the world we live in. But if a relationship turns bad and cannot be fixed then separation is the only answer, whether children are involved or not. Anything else is toxic for the whole family.